Saturday, May 31, 2008

I didn't sleep well at all last night.
Lie on bed thinking and thinking.
Just who's that guy.. what are they?
All i know from her is she dislike him. They used to meet every wednesday for dinner. She used to avoid him. She used to talk stuff complain about him but she doesn't tell it to me anymore. I, didn't dare to ask.
I don't know why. I went through his friendster profile last night. Went through his pictures.
His status.. "its complicated"
His pictures.. have 2 pictures of jun in it, one was "she says im emo.. haha" the other was "just the two of us".
His people who he wants to meet. "my silly silly wabbit".
I.. i hate to fall in love.
Hate this kinda feeling.
I changed my status back to being "single".
I don't want to end up like some idiot.
Jun's photo never had him inside. Well i never had hers. Even i don't dare to up it up on frenster or even smthing similar as hers HOW DARE HE.
Jun's profile is still single. He's its complicated.
Just wth is happening. I'm so messed up..
Shan, come back i want to cry. Come back and scold me..
Its pretty bad.. I look at her at times and i think what is she thinking. Freedom of speech is no longer even there. I kept quiet.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

she took a cab back. and she drank..
i wonder why. i wonder who..

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Just came home. Went dental with jun. I made my appointment too. The coming friday, 11.30am. Get the day off again. woot. nice one lucas.
Rather bad weather today. It rained and we ran in the rain. Her smile was so bright.. We were suppose to go fish spa today. I booked a slot at 3pm but she didn't feel like going last minute so i called and cancel. Rather stupid. I called to book, and i called to cancel. Felt bad. Like playing with that guy. Toying him. Anyway.. she going out some where and she's not saying. Only thing i know is she's going vivo. While she was in the dental room checking cleaning her teeth. Well i know its bad, but.. I read her inbox. Drop 2 tears, one each side. I remember. ha.. That guy.. The guy who drove her back that day. That same guy who came to view my profile, probably coz i tag on her frenster. That GUY. "movie at 1745 vivo" i couldn't continue. I text ming wei telling him my heart broke and i was feeling so bad. (He took like forever to reply) Well.. i didn't ask her. Nor did i act like i've already know. Who knows, maybe im don't, maybe i've read it wrongly, i missed out some parts. Maybe its not just 2 people. I did hint her to tell me though. I felt like a bastard. I know stuff but i kept quiet. I asked her how's she coming back, "nobody accompany meh?" and she said her friends(or friend hmm didn't catch the word properly) don't stay around our area. She has stuff with me and she's gonna take later tonight when she's back. I purposely ask her to meet me for dou hua at the coffeeshop didn't want to make life easier for that guy sending her back.
Thats what im refering to. I'm that black wolf in a white sheep coat. I felt bad having to do all this small small tricks to win her over.. If one gets desperate enough, you don't know guys. We do everything for a reason. Maybe not just guys. Girls do their planning too. All just to get to the final aim. Am i doing too much??
I put my hands around her shoulder today. It felt good. She said im lucky, coz i've known her for so long. If its some other guy, she would have reprimanded him already. There im thinking.. We've been together before. I know you. We've held hands. We've hugged. We've been on the same bed. We.. Just how close are we? I hope what you said is true. I hope im the next better guy. I trust you. I don't want to think whatever you've said, you've said to some one else before.
She fell aslp on my arms today. The last time she did, it was years back, when we were cathing a show. You tired girl, making my heart aching. Like always.. I tried taking pictures. Pictures are important to me. I scared one day i don't remember everything. I scared one day when all this happiness is gone.. .. The mrt wouldn't allow me to take a proper photo. It turned out all blur.
My mind was running.. running like a young playful kid. What am i suppose to feel? Sad? happy?.. I don't know. She wore the necklace i bought for her today. She asked me to pick a hair band for her, which i gladly choosen a blue one out of the so many and she wore it. Tied it round her hair and im happy. Whats all this meaning?.. I don't like to play games. Sigh. There, i told myself. I've decided. She's the one. She might not turn out who i know she is but i decided to trust her. I told myself to not get affected by what other people say.. but of coz, being nice has it limits. My $ should not go into pampering her. That i should stop.
I don't know when i will see her again. I don't know whats she doing now, she just called and i ask if she's alone. "nope" was the answer. Short simple rejection.. The next time i see her, I wish i held her hands. Would she allow me too? Attached but not attached. Contradicting right? ha. So messy. Honestly i don't like but i don't think i have much of a choice. When people don't bend, you bend. Isn't it how it works? =D
Anyway im only left with one mth till her very day. Running abit out of time. I need to go farms and borrow small chicks. argh.
WHO HAVE CHICKS AS PETS!! CALL ME. NEED THEM URGENTLY.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Friday, May 30, 2008

I clocked another hour today.
Started a differnt way.. i went detour to lot one and U-turn back and down the usual route.
Sweat alot again but not as much as the one i had on wed.
I felt like i cried again and it felt good.
Now i'm back home. Coolen down but i felt like crying, as in the real thing, again.
So emo ar lucas? ha.. well beats me. I don't know why too.
I had stitch around 15mins after starting and i told myself to carry on.
I will not stop till i break down and end up in hospital.
I bump into shan. I called out to her but i didn't stop. (She said she chased after me. Was listening to the songs. Didn't realise. Sorry!!)

Went with shan to CMPB today.
Spend the afternoon there. She's going tomorrow morning to 'some where between thailand and KL'. ha.

Wonder how the company cohesion went today. I didn't go for it.

Hmm.. nothing much about jun. Will see her tomorrow morning for her dental.

Neighour ask to have breakfast with her on sunday. I agreed.

I watched 'Indiana Jones' myself on movie6.net today.

Good night people ^^

Friday, May 30, 2008

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Few days back had this sms conversation with zhijun. She ask why am i treating her like a girlfriend. Not knowing how to reply, i kinda joked replyin if she wants to be my girlfriend then? I said it jokingly but honestly part of that sentence i meant was real. oh well.. got rejected. She said 'no'. Maybe she felt i wasn sincere. Maybe she's jus blantantly rejecting me whether im serious or not. I don't know. I didn't ask too.. Lots of stuff i never ask. Like if she likes me and all.. The last time we ever talk about something like that or close to that, we came out with the conclusion that we both aren't ready for one and that we don't want one. I, wanted to be financially stable before having one, partly too scared of losing too. She, her reason, im not too sure. I don't know why suddenly im like rushing. Possessive. Yah probably. I don't want to share her with some one else. She ask if once why i feel so insecure. How not to? She just my friend still not girlfriend yet. Gonna return her her photo in my wallet. It felt like im asking for it. Like im digging my own grave. I will finish her present. Its half done. I went SIM to help her submit her photo and i check out my course. Jan intake. Registration will start at august. So yeah.. It wud be nice to focus on smthing else. Start spending my $$ on myself. Get my own clothes instead of hoping some one buying them for me knowing i like them. Ha. I don't have a gf. I wouldn't pretend i have one anymore. It will just be me, myself and I.
I don't know. Don't really want to care. If its mine, its mine. Waiting for her sms. Sigh. Hot and cold. Hot and cold.. =P Hands off now.



Have been texting/chatting with shan alot. More than i do with zhijun. Zhijun's busy with work we hardly text. Mostly before work and after work. Shan and her frens are kinda like against me being with jun coz well.. they dnwan me to be spending on her and all.. blah blah. yah.. i yeah.. thanks people. sorry i disappointed you all and yes i understand you all meant well. I'm fine. =D silly, stupid, blur, dumb, yah. only meant to be sweet but turning out otherwise. So ok. yes.. I will control k. Oh i met up with shan for supper. She walked me home. Thanks ^^ lucky you never get trap in the lift ha. My lift not like urs. Urs can see outside. Mine just shuts you in ha.

Many people are not around in camp. Went for a hour run along timah. Yesterday(wed).. me, andrew, joseph, clement and feng nan. We run out of camp oh.. some one caught us. The WO Thong, he ask us why we wearing PT kit and going out of camp so i say we go for run. Then he say what happens if something happens to us outside, and i said its ok. I stressed-- "WE ARE ALL SPECS(specialist)." and he kinda shut up. He said he's just asking, not saying that we cant or what. He ask us our running routes and even suggested that we run by the canal. Oh well fk, we didn't ha. I lead the run. Brought them left to SIM, down to NP, left to the first SHELL stop, down the prata shop, left to the furniture shops, down to ESSO, down pass SHELL, left again pass the botanic garden, left again pass the pri sch, down to the CC, down to timah market, right back to the first SHELL stop. Down to KAP mac. Where we sat down. Wipe the sweat of our faces. Lay our handphones on the table. and Me, andrew and clement went on running again. Fengnan and joseph left sitting/guarding our stuff at KAP Mac. So yeah we continue.. but this time other direction. We went down pass the condo, all the way down.. pass those shop houses. I bring them pass the NISSAN car house. Down abit more to OLD HOLLAND ROAD and U turned back. I wasn tired at all that day. We ran for 1hr plus and i keep running. Andrew was catching up with me on the return route and i jus kept running. I kept hearing his footsteps behind me and i fasten my pace. Till i threw him all the way back and i came back to KAP myself ha. Sat down and sweated like a dog. It keep dripping and dripping. Havn felt so good for a long time. Feels like ur crying but not from your eyes. Wanted to go run tonight but cudn. Promised madm i wudn.

Anyway fengnan is really too much. The whole platoon is boycotting him now.. and after hearing what he did today, that was my last straw i've given him. Where got people like that say bad about his own platoon to other people. Basic common sense. 12o'clock, 11.45, 11.30 fk man nobody wans to go jurong island, we are all forced to. Being a typical human being, which would one choose to take? of coz the 12o'clock one la.. anyway we were down at 11.45 the stores are even finish loading yet. We come down so early oso no use. We didn't take our own sweet time. Don't tell people from other platoon bad about urs. U are a sniper urself. If its me, i either say "i dunno, they shud be coming down now. wait awhile." i don go saying,"i already told them 11.30, they must be taking their own sweet time, dilly dally." Fk u. U were nice to cover my duty once and seeing that you've got your points when talking to the platoon that day i talk to u still. Seeing that everyone went for nights out and left u back alone in back. I asked if u were hungry, i can help ask the rest dabao for u. but fk.. don act like a good boy. We goin ord soon. We don need a good boy to come set some new rules to make life difficult. We obviously don need you to come spoil the market..

So much abt him.. so much happening in camp. so many people missing. Leave, off, missing in action without reason.. sigh. not much people i can talk to too. all on long leave. not around. Will blog again. meanwhile.. pictures!! ^^

Our 'Supposingly' Sentosa Trip. --- A failure. ha
Hey minchell =) there. Your boyfriend. tryin to act cute haha!





Our dinner. Joseph // Teck Hong's Chicken Rice $3.50. My Bak Ku Teh $4.50 (tmd). Clement's.. er i forgot wad again. Laksa i think. Cant rem. Malcolm not eating. He and his fking diet plans. Cannot let him lighter den me.



There th go again!



Malcolm







CBK!



Lucas's favourite stall. Guess where??







While waiting for her to change =) i took some my own ha!



bunk's view of nee an poly.



Guess who's that hottie!



Some random shy cat. yah shy my ass. Look at its teeth and nails. Damn sharp.



That's lewis. I respect him. A crazy guy. Serious when he wants to be. A fk up ps(platoon sergeant) and we love him.



That's mw. Hannah's lazy boyfriend as you can see haha.



And well.. shirt's a lil wet coz of the rain.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

don really have time to blog. do have some new photos with me =D
will blog some time soon. this weekend perhaps. enjoy the clip k.
love to all. yeah right. fuck off

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Saturday, May 24, 2008

cousin passed away..
committed suicide or accident.. nobodys for sure.
but sure thing is,
she's mentally unstable.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Monday, May 19, 2008

Good bye

And welcome..


To me, its consider a upgrade. Although U600 is a much older phone. The camera is better. Its a 3.2 mega pixel phone. Resolutions exactly the same.. Only thing that cant compare is, W910i is a 3.5G phone that enables video call, but heck. No use for it and when you video call, it lagging like shit.
And yes my new phone is white. Falling in love with white lately. Seeing it makes me real happy.
I sold my old one for $290 to some sim lim guy that i actually see before. What a coincidence can.
And i bought my new phone at $200. So yeah.. Balance of $90 bucks keep inside pocket. Spend $6 bucks on screen protector. Currently looking for hp pouch ha.
I don't know where to put the gree teddy bear. U600 has no holes for you to hook a accessory.
But anyway.. You will see me & miss tan having the same phone ha. Her's is a red. Mine's a white. Now we talk photo don have to keep using her phone liao. I can proudly bring out mine! haha. HOW'S THAT? SHIOK RIGHT!.. haha

Anyway i travelled all the way down to tampiness to meet up with this female U600 owner. Her vioce was real sweet and guess what? When i met her i was like wow.. She might be petite but.. damn pretty. Her make up is just right, spagetti, skirt, and birkenstock. Red painted nails.. Damn impressed. Btw, we are still sms-ing ha. Nice one lucas.

I took the 2hr trip on 67 back from tampiness. Wanted to buy a stalk of flower for miss tan coz i was in a good mood and CAPITAL CARD got 20% discount of that florist shop.. but miss tan don't want. Ask me not to spend that $$. And damnit.. i'm on quarentine now.. I can only text her if i finish my meals, bfast lunch and dinner. I'm not allowed to text her if i don eat. Damn.. well.. coz i skip my meals for the whole day and she kinda had enuf of me skipping my meals. She gave me the last warning. She brought baby out for a walk and meet me and lot 1, then we walk back to her place and i went to buy dinner.

Pretty sweet of her. Its felt funny not hearing her voice, and i wanted to call her but ended up she was faster, she called me instead. And we met up even..

That makes.. 6days in a row. ha. Happy beyong words.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Sunday, May 18, 2008

went to far east again today. she did her pedicure. foc of coz, just that additional $5 for her french pedi. great to see her all doll-ed up. nails are all done, new heels, new clothes, ready to work on tues.
we went to keat hong to see a physician. seems like its a good choice, the uncle quite experience and he's charging real cheap. $20bucks for a tui na. hope she feels better..
i clean up the house today but din manage to iron my clothes. haha. my bad..
cant wait to go back camp and meet the guys. havn see them since our 8km run on thursday.
Some sunshine tmr again? probably heading swimming myself ha!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Went out to have macdonalds bfast with her. Funny she was craving for hotcakes but ended up eating egg macmuffin. oh well we shopping abit. Saw this shorts thats quite nice.. $43.xx wanted to buy ^^ maybe soon ha.
Anyway we went to catch harold and kumar. Fk that lame show ha. Damn funny. Miss tan say got alot of vulgarities. Well.. yah theres alot ha and please whoever said its a M18 show. YOU SUCK! ha. its definately not. With all the blowjobs, threesomes, nipples and bottomless parties. HAHA!. M18? no.. of coz no..
Hmm.. i brought her to far east. We went walking around looking for manicure and pedicure shop. Walk round and round and i decided to settle with this "Swan Nails" shop at the very top level. Theres alot of other shops but this particular shop seems to have more people inside. Common sense tells me its a better more trust worthy shop ha. Oh well so we went in and i was spoilt for choice. Im paying so i decide. Ha i kinda short listed out a few nail arts for the to chose so hmm.. after all she still the one making the last decision. I just kinda make her life easier with her looking at lesser things haha. Oh.. that girl, JOANA, the one that served miss tan. She's not bad looking and hmm.. she doesn't just paints the design you wan, she kinda put her creativity into in, that's smthing diff i don see around everyday. Me and miss tan are goin back to her for miss tan's toes. Miss tan never do them today coz she's wearing covered shoes and we sign up the its membership. $28 dollars, you get free manicure and pedicure but you cant use them on the same day. So yeah i paid $58 for her beautifully painted fingers. $28 for the membership. Other $30, according to miss tan, is $3 dollar for every finger. The nail art i mean. Spent quite abit lately.. keep swiping my card. Miss tan oso.. Need to control abit lucas!! CONTROL! ha.

Well even JOANA took pictures too..
So me and miss tan,
The pictures..







Had great fun today.. 4days in a row le.. so happy still. Cherish every moment. Who knows she will be gone again.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Friday, May 16, 2008

Met her after she knock off. 3days in a row already ^^
We met thai express and eat. Order a tom yam hor fun and fried soft shell crab.
She realises i don't eat tom yam today.
And i, found out that she, cut prawns. As in she doesn't eat it totally, the small left over meat inside the shell, she don't eat. Lazy. Or maybe tryin not to use her fingers bah.. oh well. don think u get wad i mean but hmm just some facts about her.
Hmm.. UOB owners got sale so we went shopping.. she tried alot but never buy any. She ended up buying this red top that i picked for her, coz i told her its nice... den we went to buy heels. damn she's standing as tall as me with the heels, maybe even taller den me =(
Thing about guy shopping and girl shopping..
Guys, our shoes are all over 100bucks, so naturally when you(girls) are stress over a 40+ shoe, we think its really fine.
Guys, our sizes are simple, XS, S, M, L, XL, XXL.
Girls, woohoo.. 8,10,12,14,16 blah blah. its different.
just some facts that i learn today.
GOOD NIGHT PEOPLE! =P

Friday, May 16, 2008

Some times you cant help but think if its meant to be..
Saw this girl on bus today, 14 or maybe 15 years of age.
On her long slender fingers, there were so many scars or lets not say scars.. just wordings.

"I <3 wil"

"wilson"

The markings were still so red like its craved only yesterday.
Lucky its not tatoo, those wounds would heal.
You ask how i know?..

Cause like her, or any other young teenager, i too, craved on my hands before.
Its not pencil or pen markings, not those kind. It's written while blood was flowing.
I did it.. because i was so pissed with her. She thought of me every time during lessons and she couldn't help but drew on her hands.
She didn't show it to me, i remember i saw it and i questioned her.
And yes i flared up. Lectured her and gave her a cold shoulder.

but.. i ending up doing the same. Wanting to go through what she went through.
Now, i've been seeing her.
And have been everyday for the pass two days.
While we shared ice cream yesterday, i cant stop smiling.
Really felt xin fu.
Like after months since breaking up with shan.

Was it meant to be?
Would we end up being together again?..
Did you ever craved some one's name on yourself when you are young.. i only craved hers.
I mean... Has destiny already been settle for the both of you since then?
Did cupid shoot his arrows on the both of you?..
I just wonder.. and i smiled.
And i smiled.

All because of you..
Whatever it is, whatever we are, no matter how temperamental you may be.
Its those moments together that i will always keep it mind.

Seeing you later. SHOPPING HA!.

Im gonna slap her la, she never rest at all. her back havn recover and she's taking kick boxing and ABT start of june every sunday. and you know wad??.. i paid for it. ha. $130. I went swimming and tanning myself den jiu suan bian run errands for her. She havn return me, i said to put it with her till end of the month. I dnwan to send so much ha.

What do you guys think?
Ever ever wondered if the one ur with now, its all fated? ha.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

havn blog for a long while.. hmm just uploading some pictures.
thats all.
not writing much..


Some of the photos very obscene.
Some of the photos i was half way eating my banana. Teck hong anyhow take never give notice.
So.. Bear with the GOODs and the BADs. humans afterall. No one is perfect.


Trying to learn guitar..


Our nights out






Pretty gay i know.. ha

Wednesday, May 14, 2008