Friday, March 6, 2009

some how.. i feel sorry for whatever that i've said.
I don't know i'm feeling so lost over the pass few days. I don't know what to do.. or why i am feeling this way.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Ros was baking cookies at 10+ 11 pm at night yesterday. Just because i said i would want cookies randomly in some sms and that maybe the day ended badly, i wasn't very please with her and i guess she wasn't very please with me to.. At that hour of the night.. baking cookies and saying sorry. I'm speechless, its not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. I cried last night. I told jun alot of stuff, alot of stuff that i've been hiding from her just cause i didn't have the courage or the right time to bring it up but well i did it last night. As in she's got the hints that i'm throwing at her all this while.. i stayed up till 2+am. (while the one who was suppose to stay up and finish work, didn't.)

Jun rush assignment and slept at 3.30+/-

Ros brought the cookies to school today, was suppose to get it from her but no chance. I met up with the guys(sec sch) and i was drag to tamah jurong to have dinner. We ate zhu chao. Poor ros have to bring the cookies back again. oh and she fell this morning, some how, had some deep scratches.

Anyway the people who turned up, liang, angelia, hao wei, zhen, jie, foo, eric and siew yu. We were planning for a trip to certain parts of Malaysia during june. After dinner, we went to beauty world and played lan. We played left4dead and abit of cs. And we went home.

Jun so nice, called me and ask if i'm at timah and if i needed a lift, i wish i could, not for the lift but just cause i wanted to see her and to make sure that we are still good with each other. No huge impact on attutide towards one another after the conversation we had the night before. I just wanted to make sure.

I keep texting ros. Begging my friend to lend me his phone so i can change my sim card in case she reaches home and wants to call me.. i text a few times. Band should end at 8pm but she called at 7.45 or so to ask if we can still make it to meet and i said that it wasn't possible. 9pm i texted, 1hr you still not home yet. 9.30 i texted again. still no... 10 still can't get through the phone cause her battery was flat. I'm getting abit pissed. Call call call either don pick up or hang up.. or text with no reply. Bloody hell i reach home at 12.30 and tried the last few time and i gave up. She can sleep all she wants or do whatever she wants to do. I'm really sick of it. I'm sick of having to wait by the phone. I'm sick of giving my fastest reply possible while i have to wait bloody long for one.

It all started every since she started school i guess.. she's never been home early. Maybe for once the phone died and she rush home early and called me when she's home. She seems to be always borrowing phone from guys. (i don't like, i rather you not calling. i know you call cause you miss me and that i matter to you but its ok.. i know it.. just.. not from a guy please.)

I can't stand it when she can just knock off like that. I managed to last the whole day with 4hrs. She goes to school, i go to work, don't even try giving me that excuse. I'm freaking tired as well but i seem to bother much more. (and i hate it.)

I can't stand it. I never needed my girlfriend to be missy nice. She can jolly well give chocolates to whoever. I don't need her to pacify everyone on the planet, doing something different from the others.

I can't stand it when she mentioned buying boxers for her guy senior. I never wanted a girlfriend who is 'fun', in that sense. Fun gift yes, buy it for your own girlfriends, buy it for your brother, for your father so be, but you are buying for a who? what?.. (you didn't even buy for me la. and i've got friends who give me boxers before. friend's who are not very close. I take them as horny. Fun. and in a bad mean way. slutty.. and fair enough, one of my bro's got that girl to *censored* with him. I don't want you to be that way.. to me, it gives a very wrong impression, and mind you, yours is very wrong already. Well known ok..)

I find i cannot accept alot of the stuff that she does.. but i didn't say it out cause after all.. that's the way she is. I don't like it, doesn't mean she have to like it. I don't want to tie her down, she can do what she wants, buy what she feels like buying, have all the fun she would want to have, flirt, get popular, be nice, she can have it all, juggle it with studies, i mean you can only be 17 once, live it. She can go home late late which ever she likes. I don't want to care anymore. I find it stupid to be even bothered by it. That anger, and unhappiness wanting to burst out but for no reason or what-so-ever that i should even do that.

For me, i'm fine, i'm a family person. I had enough of fun.. I don't need all of those. i've met someone ideal. To be honest, who the hell wakes up at 4+ in the morning and watch movies online? Blog. Check mails.. Surf net.. 4am in the morning my dear friend. People go to sleep at four, she wakes up at four.

Just the day before i asked this question. Posted to the couples out there, do you love him/her, because of what he/she is? Or is it because you love him/her because how how much the both of you went through? I got caught up with this question. Interesting right?

Do you find yourself answering stuff like
-i like him because he's very nice, he pays for the meals, opens the door, holds my hands.
-i like her because she a national swimmer. netball captain. etc.
-i like him because he's on the headlines everyday. etc.

or do you find yourself saying
-i like him because he took out his kidney for me.
-i like her because we grew up together went through so much together, the bond is strong. There was once we blah blah blah, did blah blah blah. We cried, we laugh, we break toilet bowls together.. vomitted after a roller coaster ride together before.. etc.

huh? so how? what would your answer be? Why are you with the person that is beside you now?.. Are you still struggling to be together though the differences because you just can't let go of the times you all had together? Do are the both of you together because of some common interest? Or isit a butter trade? She gives you skin, you give her money? Is there something you actually want to get out from her and she from you?. ha.. think about it.

People like glenn ong gets all the luck. Ditch the old ugly one, married jamie yeo.. divorced.. now sticking with jean danker. fuck ass man.. some guy just gets all the luck.. and i really mean it. If you are a lucky guy, better learn to cherish it.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Thursday, March 5, 2009

i'm crying.. just why are you so nice to me.
why don't you understand we are people from two different worlds :P

Thursday, March 05, 2009

im going out for a run soon. all dressed up in my pt kit.. im damn stressed out. hair is still dripping with water. im feeling abit heaty.. good. im going to fall sick soon. i want to fall sick anyway. i want to take a break this weekend. i need to look at things again.. its been changing so much and the past 2 months its been changing so fast.

ok.. just one round. bye

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Hi people, firstly i'm sorry that i've been gone for so long. Well since my last post i think its like 3 months plus? Ha! Alright I'll try to keep up with the writing habit alright.

Loads of stuff happened and i'll just start off brand new from today alright?

I went to the dental this morning. Just for regular cleaning. There wasn't any MC given so i guess i'll have to go back to office tomorrow and key in as leave. A leave well taken i suppose. I met up with jun after my dental and after her class and we went for movie marathon. We caught 'He's just not into you' at 1330 and 'The curious case of benjamin button' at 1530. There wasn't a break at all like we planned, the first show kind of drag through to 1540 or so and we missed abit of the starting of the second show. She's been having some issues with the boyfriend lately, i mean the issue has always been on going but the past few nights she hasn't able to sleep, some times crying so i accompanied her. We've been out frequent, gym, dinner, run etc.. got to go back to being focused on work soon, been slacking abit. Going to be confirmed soon and i don't want to extend it anymore. Actually i don't really know why i bother since i'm intending to leave after school starts.

I guess what makes me really want to stay is the bonus.. Life, its that way, you get something, you lose something. One's got to accept it. Over at the current company, the bonus is good but travelling is still a major problem, as per usual ha!

Hmm.. i've been having some issues myself. I'm lost at what to do, there is no need to do something about it, or there is? I'm not too sure. What do i really want? I'm like trap in two worlds, no matter how much i want them to exist together, i can't. It doesn't work that way. I don't know man, right now, i'm taking it as it goes. I got myself into this mess, not that i don't like it nor that i really like it but i feel tied up to this mess. I don't have room to move about. I feel so strandled. How..? Though i don't say it but its affecting me alot.. and its times like now that i don't know what to do. I'm hiding my thoughts to myself. Thoughts when spoken out need to have action, and every action has its own consiquences, it may affect one, it may affect more than one, it may have affect 1 day, 1 hour or it maybe years, maybe a life time. Do you understand my mess?.?

SNIPERS, anyone want to go on a holiday or bagpacking in june? Do share my your interest k.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009