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Lucas

Turning my back on everything. Everyone.
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January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008

Going back camp loh~~
why i so happy for.. damnit.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

03:24 AM

Look who's asleep already. ^^
Waiting up for me.. Thanks.
Well more than just a thanks. =D sorry neglected you.



*hugs* so understanding.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Lucas just came back from the clinic.
He is going to avoid sunlight.
He is taking one whole month of antibotics. 2 capsules 6hrs interval. 4 times a day.
He needs to apply gel in the morning. Cream at night.
He has scars and he's ugly. Coz he itchy hand. haha.

Lucas is on controlled diet.
No fries. No chips. Who cares about ice cream? I'll still eat them ha.

He feels like he's such a pussy now.
(i don't have good genes. what to do?)

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Sunday, June 22, 2008

The Bill ~!


Cafe Latte. take close look at the foam.


The cakes. New York Cheesecake (left) and Vanilla chocolate chip ice cream cake.


Vanilla chocolate chip.


Spin spin spin~


Single Scoop Regular Waffle, ice cream: Cookie & Cream


Double Scoop Chocolate Chip Waffle, ice cream: Tiramisu and Chocolate Overload


Omg.. So sinful.


No snacks for me.
No full meal for dinner.
Bread for breakfast.

Lucas is watching his diet.
His aim..
< 10% body fats

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Saturday, June 21, 2008

I'm bored.. ^^ and i'm broke as always ha.
The reason.. hmm.. only mummy & ros knows. Go ask them.

I've watched the shows..
and the ratings from me as follows:
Kungfu panda - 4/5
You don't mess with the zohan - 4.5/5
The happening - 3/5
The incredible hulk 2/5

Enjoy your weekend people ^^

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Sunday, June 15, 2008

I'm not going to write alot coz im pissed off.. I press publish den they say error.. fuck. whatever i wrote is gone. .. just.. ARGH.

I went out again. Shopped. Spend $51 for a sweater and a top from G2000. Suppose to be $102 but i got 50% off. Auntie birthday. This time every year our family goes to U2 or G2000 to shop. Can buy up to $1k and get 50% off.
Out with my family. Sat & Sun. That's new.. I'm turning family-ly. I'm homely but i never know i'm family-ly too hahaha.
Went swimming at my grands. Too lazy watching tv so i missed the sun. Spend so much time and chat with my cousins today. Happy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAM!!





That's Jessie Tan Wei Ling.


That's the cousin. (not all here yet)


(from left) Guo Qi, Larry, Victor.



1 week 3 days and counting.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Late for work yesterday. Suppose to start at 8am but i reach at 8.40 ha my bad.. so i stayed till 6pm instead of leaving at 5. Nobody ask me to but i believe its the right thing to do. And.. damnit.. i overslept today. I shut off the alarm some how. Wanted to tell charlize but i don't have her number. End up have to wait for her to call me at 9. I told her i over slept. She said its ok, see me on monday than. Such nice people.. ^^ Well.. lunch was treated by her daddy. We had porridge. The first day i work there, sister Fiona treated me to sandwich and iced mocha from 'The Sandwich Place'. Second day people treat again. Man.. i really feel so bad. Thinking if i should get a cheesecake of something on monday for them but mummy ask me not to.. How?..

Oh.. so agitated lately. I wonder isit because of the lack of sleep or am i always like that. Yesterday charlize daddy drop me off at SengKang and i took a bus from there to woodlands to change mrt. I went woodlands there and kinda had cravings for hotdogs, so i bought them at the small stall just outside of 'Breadtalk'. So yeah buy buy buy.. then i asked,"Do you have any mustard?"

Then the bloody cheena say,"huh? mustard?.."
I replied,"Yeah musTArd." He obviously look damn lost and i like that look ha. Bloody idiot.

Then the other guy beside him faster repled,"Oh we don't have."

No sorry. Just clear cut - we don't have.

Guess what happened next?

The first guy i talk to turn around and ask that friend of his (another bloody cheena),"She me shi MUSTARD?" (translation : Whats mustard???)

"Qi shi wo ye bu zhi dao. Jiu geng ta jiang mei you ma." (translation : actually i have no idea too. Just tell him that we don't have it. It's fine.)

I was back facing them. Can't they wait till i'm gone further? From hearing them?.. Like damn disappointed. Can't they just say that they don't know whats mustard? I'll gladly describe mustard the best as i could rather then they asking each other and get nothing out of it. Just pretty pissed why the society is this way. That's how sales out there is, isn't it? Don't bother to even check for your shoe/shirt sizes and just they you - 'Whatever you see out there is what you get or what we have left.'

Just gets really sickening, doesn't it? Don't you feel the same?.. No wonder tourist always complain. If your so not interested to provide service, whole hearted ones, then don't.. right?.

And i went to the pasa malam. Talk to another cheena again. This time funny enough, he works at a malay stall!! WOW! ha.. so yeah. You thought his english is good.. wait till you read what i'm going to write..

"Can i have 2 packets of nasi lemak?"
He stuns awhile.. then get on with packing while i took 2 x $2 from my wallet. One packet cost $1.50

He hands me the bag. I passed him the money.. but wait.. funny. The bag seems rather light..

THERE'S ONLY ONE PACK!!!

I look at him. Like huh~?
He look at me holding one 2 dollar note on his left hand and the other on the right. Like huh~?

"I said i wanted two... oh never mind."
I snatch one of the two dollars from his hands. He smiled but still looking pretty stunned. I guess you thinking i'm some idiot but what the hell i'm thinking your like one idiot too. What? English so bad to even say anything at all isit?.. Damnit.

I walked away. Went home and complained to my mum over the dinner table. She was like saying why am i so uptight and i told her.. Look at the statistics mum!! The cheena's are every where now. Selling food. Looking for flats. Cycling to work, even for long distance. Cycle one hr plus till they reach their work place.. OMG. Just imagine sooner or later, we, are taken over by them. They, trying to come in little by little. Look at the students, PRCs. Look at the undergrads selling themself as part time to pay for school fees.. Imagine cheena kids. More and more of them. Aren't they always saying they are hunting for singaporean man so they can get a stay here???... Just imagine people.. JUST IMAGINE whats it like when their population over rides orginal singaporean chinese.. People start conversing in chinese. Dog meat is served. Grasshoppers. Fried ants??... Just just.. IMAGINE!.

I say we chase them all back to where they come from. Look at the local table tennis players. CHEENAs. I don't care if locals are sucky. At least they are locals? Right?..

And today.. i went bugis with my cousin. He wants to do shopping.. guess what? I didn't know 'Spade' is like a hot brand among teenagers now. It sucks to me ha haha. Oh well i brought him all around bugis street. Down to PS. Down to cathay. Damn whinny 16 yr old boy. Walk abit only complain complain. TMD. Carry his own clothes also complain. Bloody hell.. ha. I don't care ha. I just walk and shop. Brought him to far east. He bumps into his 2 girl friends. Gosh their make up so cui. The line draw till so long haha. Muscarda or something. Also 16 yr old. Ros did better i think. =D pussy cat. haha.

oh well ok.. I saw 2 shoes. One from everlast $59.90 one from puma $149.00 damnit how? I'm so tempted. Both from far east. Just different shops. I want to get a new white wallet.. Hmm.. i saw one paul smith look alike long sleeve shirt, $30 bucks. DAMNIT. Saw this fred perry look alike top for $32 bucks. ARGH i'm going crazy. So many stuff to buy~!!! and i have yet to buy my new jacket. Havn't see any one that interest me though. Alright.. enough about my wishes. Oh i bought new watch. White one. Yellow back ground. Damn nice. $5 bucks hahaha wohoo! so happy with myself.

Ok ok fine. I say that the other cheena that i met today.. but rather pleasant one coz his fren made me happier.

I was at 'The Cathay' 's 'Full House' (lucas favourite haha).. yeah i bought peanut butter and chocolate toast.

"hi, can i have a peanut butter and chocolate toast?"

"pea.. nut.. and choco.. ??" That's blur look.. that cheena accent. OMG. Not again..

"yah hi, im sorry. Can i have your order??" Ah.. so much better. He friend (boss), obviously not cheena, even if he is, his english is much better, pushed him away.

SMILED WIDELY.. "yes i wanna peanut butter chocolate toast."

"ok.. In a minute." Smiled again. So charming guy. Sweet. Funny.

I pass him my $10 note and waited for the change. Sat there and complained to Ros on the phone.. haha. ONCE AGAIN.. TRIBUTE TO THE BLOODY CHEENAs.

Wait.. ok i admit, i'm a racist. Well.. I'm a colorist too. Black - mud. Mina-s.. Well you know..
and.. i'm not proud i'm a racist. just.. WHO isn't a RACIST?? even to a little extend?.. don't tell me the americans look at the arab without second thoughts that he's a terrorist?... poking their asses in the airport at some hidden interview room. Get over it. You are black, you got huge dick, you africans jump so much over the pass generations that your so tall. I mean.. Its a fact isn't it? Your a jap. YOUR COUNTRY is a porn maker!? ^^ you get my point? YOU MALAYSIAN GOVERMENT, you don't like us, and we obviously don't like you, just trying maintain peace so we work business out. This are all facts.. although there are those who differ but i meant it as generally speaking. That how it goes. This is the world. Stop being a kid.. Few years down, the earth is going to collapse. Humans will die. Who cares. Pollution. Deforestation.. blah blah.. be glad your smiling now..

So.. some pictures.. bye!















Saturday, June 14, 2008

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Met ros at ps today. I wanted to watch 'The happening'.
She wore heels today ha. Nice heels. Pretty sweet.
Anyway the show sucks man. Poor show. Boo Boo.. quite disappointed. Judging that its from 'Six Sense' and other other shows.
I took the train with her today. Well i bought HOOCH for her.
She said.. "5% only. Taste like ribenna la.."
I told her to try finish the bottle haha..
She ended up being all red, i don't know if its the sun tan that she had this morning or that she boiling. Ha ears all red. face all warm. Gosh. I am bad boy ha. Yeah so have to send her back.. her heart beated so fast suddenly. She better not be allergic to alcohol ha.

=D she's always around and i'm thankful. I'll never get angry with you for all that you've done is never enough for me to return and while your around, i hmm.. just don't want to lose anymore. It's really been very very nice of you and.. please. Tell me!!! haha i'm really so sorry about it. It's just me. I can't remember birthdays. I can't remember the first time i met people. I can't remember what i wore or what we said. It's too long ago ha. Sorry sweets. Forgive me k. AND TELL ME!. ha don't always let me be the one talking ha.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Met up with lana after booking out today. Went to shop for present for her boyfriend.
Boyfriend's birthday. ^^

Partically being drag around kinda not used to it. Want to bugis street.. cannot :( want go market eat cannot :( no aircon cannot. street too crowded cannot. And i got drag down to Ktv. Well at least the people there are friendly. Like whole big family like that. Both of us shared a Jug of heinken. Long time since i last drink ! ha so happy but now.. have to start running again. Damn.

Shan's freaking sick. So worried about her. Doesn't pick up the phone. The doctor says she's fine.. so.. yeah.. don't want to bug her.

Had delifrance today. You guys should try this..
Dessert. Bread dunno what. i cant rem at the moment.




Toast!!


Your guard 2IC watching channel 5. bloody slacker

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Monday, June 9, 2008

Went dinner with mummy, small auntie and grandma at town today after work. Damn hate the travel. Bedok. To and fro.. sigh. Spending time with the mrt and the bus. How romantic. ha..

I suggest ding tai fung coz i wanted to eat the egg fried rice. Used to share it with miss tan. Guys you can stop asking already, we aren't doing well and i've got nothing much else to say.. so yeah spare me. It's just bad. End of story. I miss her after so much but yeah.. like i once said i never ask of her to be my girlfriend coz as you can see, that's how we are, one moment good, one moment bad. We can go on mths, weeks, years without contacting. Or we can be seeing walking so close together. I'm used to it.. I know her too well.




Xiao long bao~!




Me and my smallest auntie.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Went to watch 'Kung Fu Panda' today. Damn hilarious..
Settle dinner at Hong Kong Cafe (cine). Had my bowl of soup noodle with egg and luncheon meat. It didn't seem to taste as nice as the last time. Something is missing out. The sides seats. The sofa. The empty restaurant in the early morning hours..

I hate to say it. I need to learn to be a man. Need to learn to let go. Need to know whats right and whats wrong..

I ate my birthday cake finally. It didn't taste as nice too. Was suppose to have it with her on her birthday but seeing the situation now and the craving for some choco sponge. I couldn't wait. We end up at GLORIA JEANS cafe, outside of cine. Sat down there had a mud cake. It's a 5/10 cake. Not recommended. Try some others next time guys. Slacked. Miss the last train. Miss the last bus. Ended up waiting for Night Rider and ros have to get her daddy to pick her up. So nice to have a daddy. I had none. ..

Well pictures ^^

The mud cake !! GLORIA's











That's ros. =P
Hanging out with me. Thanks!





She's always there. Texting the mum. Orh hor. So late go home.





That's the food - emptied.




And that's me of coz. I love myself ha.




As ugly as always.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Friday, June 6, 2008

and another.

Friday, June 06, 2008

blank post.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Priorities in my life
1) pride
2) career
3) love
4) family
5) money

I am active
My partner is independent
My enemy is dirty
I interpret sex as bitter
My life is peaceful

Friday, June 06, 2008

time now.. 2046hrs.

No reply from her in the morning. No msg from her after she knock off.. Never see her at online. She suppose to be home for dinner.. Maybe she's out. I don't know and i don't want to ask. I scared its something i don't want to hear.

I cant stop thinking about her. I don't know if i should text her. I don't know if i should call. Its always like that.. I hope its not months or years till i talk to her again. Often, the decision is up to her i guess. I don't want things to happen like now. I don't want to. I can't even have a proper fight with her. I can't even clear things up. She's just angry and i'm just left hanging. End of story.

Someone must be laughing away. Laugh if you must. I don't really care about you anymore. If you are reading you must be so damn happy. Fine. Laugh. Till now, i still don't know whats going on. What should i trust. The stuff i hear or the stuff that i see. I want to question her but i can't. Not as a position of a friend. I know her, the more you protrude into something she herself don't want to reveal, the more uptight she gets. 8 years.. on and off. on and off.

If you had only know the feeling. The feeling of wanting to question something, make things clear but you can't. Not as a friend. So you just shut up and all by yourself, you kept every little single thing and you hurt and just keep hurting.

Its so pain to know. Its even more pain to know that you've hurt her. Sigh. Talk so much also no use. Still can't solve the problem.

And i guess her present is stagnant already. I'm happy i've got so many people backing me up and helping me but thank you guys. I don't think i can finish it anymore.

Heard this sentence and thought its meaningful.

"You should never have priority for someone when you are just an option to them."

'maybe you love her too much, you've cared too much'. Maybe? but what's the point now.

I woke up at 11+ today. Postponed my dental appointment to next thursday. At my grandma's house now. She made some dumplings. Man i feel like crying. I feel so useless. Here i am thinking if i should get one or two and save it for her let her try.. i wonder if she cried last night or was she just plain angry. I don't know if he bastard me but i believe jun wouldn't come read my blog. I mean.. she can't be bothered about what i write in my blog what. I can't be wrong right?. My believe is that he complained to her about my blog. It all happened after meeting him. Yasmin is telling me now that jun got read other people's blog de. Oh man. i feel so stupid now..

So many things i wish we could sit down and talk about it, so many things that i want to ask.. Give me the chance to do it can? Clear things up. Let me properly say that i'm sorry and forgive me. Maybe you did cared about me, i don't know. I don't what to believe anymore. I'm so lost. I'm so messed up.

Working on monday. Helping hannah's company do some data entry. The pay's pretty little but i'm not doing it for the pay. I'm doing it to kill time. To not think so much.. Have i been too independent on her? That my emotions are all controlled by her?.. Sigh.

Pretty princess i miss you. Please come back to me. I really really sorry. Do what you want. I don't care. And i wouldn't ask anymore. Nor would i want to know. I will keep quiet and keep hurting within but i don't care. I just want you back. Want you smiling at me. Telling me stuff. Sharing ice creams with me. Letting me run around with you. Go gym. Go run. Let me play with baby. Make cakes for me. I still want my noodles. Cook them for me. please.. just please.. come back.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Thursday, June 5, 2008

don't you find it pissed? like how come i'm still awake and all stressed up? and maybe she's there over the other end sleeping soundly? I don't blame her, she's got work and she's tired. but i'm torturing myself. Maybe i should sleep soon too.

Just like my friend said. I cared more. I had cared more about us. Even more about her. And being as a friend, i've just cared too much. I don't know what to say anymore. Felt like i lost my freedom of speech. Everything i say might be wrong. I better shut up and go sleep soon.

I didn't run. Had a talk with phil all the way. I walked and talked and talked.. Why the hell am i so emotional.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

I..









If only theres a way to make things clearer.
I feel i'm going to leave again..
I myself fuck up.
Cant even face myself..
I.. should i leave? but i dnwan to.. why am i always having to hold to memories.
Its always short.
So much had happened.
Sorry cant mend a broken trust.
Neither will a thousand words.
Actions don't make what of speech.
Always misunderstood.
2 people bastard each other.
All for a one word "friends".
Just what is what?

I'm so messed up.
God. What do i do now??.
For like once in years.. how? Tell me how.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

holding back my tears again.. but how long.

i cant take it.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

you know what?.. Shit happens. Especially in camp.

Bags go missing. $300+ dollars split among the snipers. For no reason, just conclusion. $10 bucks each.

We "de-kit"-ed yesterday. Return all the stores back. Its a dog eat dog world out there. People who have items missing starts taking from other people without asking and the trading begans. One minute you have your items, the next, its gone.

"Rifle cleaning kit trading for groundsheet"

blah blah blah..

The new batch of snipers are some sensitive bunch of pussies... This week in camp we held quite alot of meetings.

Meetings regarding our OFF/LEAVE.

Meetings coz sniper got caught with this and that, the sniper system going harewired. People asking about sniper's discipline.

Internal meetings with the new batch of snipers coz we nearly punched each other's faces out.

Bunch of pussies. We weren't even complaining well coz we really don't give a fuck. To us, we are fine with everything. We are going to ORD soon and well honestly speaking i pity the new batch, comments given on their sniper course was fuck up. "THE WORSE BUNCH OF SNIPERS TAUGHT".. so what do you think? And good luck, i see you guys will be doing so many much more deployment. We weren't looking for a fight with you people, we joke around play around, that's us. And mind you, we are your seniors. We wouldn't go around looking for your welfare, but we certainly aren't going to backstab you. Pussies. In the meeting your seniors have to ask you all to speak up. But im glad, at least being seniors, we weren't the ones complaining like a pussy. ha. YOU ARE. HA!

Ok ok enough about them. Havn't see ming wei around. Left him notes in this locker. Changed his bedsheet for him. Used his cup!! ha. Updated him on the phone last night whats happening. He's back tonight but im out already. Was suppose to be out in the evening but i rushed out earlier coz shan was sick and it was raining pretty bad. Worried for her so i went home with her. came back and mum was sick too. Gosh ha.

Havn't been sleeping well or having enough sleep. The other day had a long chat with ros till 2-3am. She just came back from a one week holiday. After we hang up i watch some movies till 5-6am and sleep till 11 ha. Wasn't a good sleep. Keep getting woke up by the rest of the guys. Yesterday i sat at the corridor and editted the sniper's off. Lewis was tired so i did it for him. I felt like a god, giving everybody free off's ha. Everybody got around 18-20 off now. Good enough to clear every week's monday and friday till ORD. Slept at 3am again woke up at 6.30 went for breakfast and a short run.

Long weekend for me till sunday night. Tired. Bored. BROKE. and quiet.. don't feel like talking at all.

:) smiles people !

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Sunday, June 1, 2008

I'm a happy man today. ^^ but first let me say sorry.
I'm sorry.

I took a cab down town today. Didn't want her to wait for me very long especially when she's hungry.. Her digestive system isn't working like normal people. I wanted her to eat first but she said she don't like eating alone. (so alike me)

I'm happy today cause i asked her.. i..

"does he feed you ice cream like i do?"

"no."

den we switch over and she fed me.

"hmm den do you feed him ice cream? like your feeding me?"

"of coz no. we are not so close."

=D smiles brightly ha but i dare not ask further. too much questions at one time can kill you. den she goes about telling me she does feed her good guy friend ice cream blah blah.. oh well. i know that good guy friend and he doesn't pose a threat to me. Heck him. ha ^^

That's her power. That's miss tan. Few days back she can pissed you like crazy. She can make you shed tears. And just as soon as you did, she makes you happy again. Yes.. like a roller coaster ride. One moment she tell you your the best, the next, she brings you down telling you, actually your not. ha. Cool right.

Well.. not booking in tonight. will do tomorrow. Still waiting for ZOO's reply. Hmm.. hopefully have. If not.. sigh.

Sunday, June 01, 2008