Saturday, February 23, 2008

Man i'm sick. I don't realise it, maybe i have been taking too many heaty food. Fried stuff and all. I couldn't finish the food i bought last night, ended up squeezing the last long john silvers down at pass midnight. It's ok, i'm feeling fine. Just soar throat and block nose.. slight fever.

Going back camp in the later afternoon. Sucks. Night shift.

Ching ting sms me at 4am in the morning. I was still awake then, havn't sleep. I can sense she's real troubled.

Zhijun's out playing volleyball now(apparently she overslept ha never go. She just woke up). She's going bangkok on 1st March for 5days. ha. So nice. Can travel. What's more its with her friends.

Shaohong sms me this morning..

"bro, i'm officially attached.. haha.."

hmm.. Its his first girlfriend. Proper status. I'm happy for you. You've tried so hard for her, i'm glad you all are finally together.

Maybe its because shaohong knows ruishan. Maybe its because of him, me and ruishan met. He was at the chalet last time and i guess he knows me and shan's relationship was rocky by then but i guess he don't know that we've broken up and walked seperate ways. I didn't update him. I'll do when i see him ba. It's been some time since we hang out. Everyone got their own stuff to do. Everyone has grown up. Sec sch, 13,14, years old.. till now, god. Almost 10 years already. Brothers for life.

Maybe ruishan left a mark. I'm happy for shaohong but there's still some thing. Looking at how couples are. When your together its a different thing.

Maybe i'm afraid.

I guess i am.

Shan's at malaysia now. She wouldn't be back till April. If she know's i'm hanging out with zhijun i wonder how she feels.

I doubt she cares.

I'm not trying to say i'm out with zhijun just so i can see if shan will get pissed. Zhijun's my friend. I enjoy her company. She's rather fun now. A hard case to crack. I never understand cancerians. I don't really understand her. Maybe because we ain't so close. I can't say she's 'weak'/'lousy' about some thing without feeling if i've hurt her. She's as ego as me. Some one with pride as high as mine. Like some queen like that. Though some times i don't give a fuck to control myself, after all she's a friend. No need for special treatment..

I know you guys would ask me the same question like xiao yan did.
"Think of getting back with zhijun?"
If you really want to know, my answer is a half yes half no. She's someone who made it pass the requirements of a girlfriend. She's done it before, i don't see why not again. Just that i'm more focus on other stuff now. I don't want a girlfriend, not when i still keep a photo of me and shan in my wallet. Which i would take out and see once in awhile. I'm clear about my relationship with shan, the one i once love was the old shan. The one that loved me back. The ruishan now is just a friend. I hope i'm strong enough to look into her eyes and not feel a thing. She left me to handle all the mess. My family's sarcastic mouth. I know its like months already but your 'sorry' didn't help. Just.. i never say, but i'm still pretty hurt.

Saturday, February 23, 2008