Saturday, May 31, 2008

Just came home. Went dental with jun. I made my appointment too. The coming friday, 11.30am. Get the day off again. woot. nice one lucas.
Rather bad weather today. It rained and we ran in the rain. Her smile was so bright.. We were suppose to go fish spa today. I booked a slot at 3pm but she didn't feel like going last minute so i called and cancel. Rather stupid. I called to book, and i called to cancel. Felt bad. Like playing with that guy. Toying him. Anyway.. she going out some where and she's not saying. Only thing i know is she's going vivo. While she was in the dental room checking cleaning her teeth. Well i know its bad, but.. I read her inbox. Drop 2 tears, one each side. I remember. ha.. That guy.. The guy who drove her back that day. That same guy who came to view my profile, probably coz i tag on her frenster. That GUY. "movie at 1745 vivo" i couldn't continue. I text ming wei telling him my heart broke and i was feeling so bad. (He took like forever to reply) Well.. i didn't ask her. Nor did i act like i've already know. Who knows, maybe im don't, maybe i've read it wrongly, i missed out some parts. Maybe its not just 2 people. I did hint her to tell me though. I felt like a bastard. I know stuff but i kept quiet. I asked her how's she coming back, "nobody accompany meh?" and she said her friends(or friend hmm didn't catch the word properly) don't stay around our area. She has stuff with me and she's gonna take later tonight when she's back. I purposely ask her to meet me for dou hua at the coffeeshop didn't want to make life easier for that guy sending her back.
Thats what im refering to. I'm that black wolf in a white sheep coat. I felt bad having to do all this small small tricks to win her over.. If one gets desperate enough, you don't know guys. We do everything for a reason. Maybe not just guys. Girls do their planning too. All just to get to the final aim. Am i doing too much??
I put my hands around her shoulder today. It felt good. She said im lucky, coz i've known her for so long. If its some other guy, she would have reprimanded him already. There im thinking.. We've been together before. I know you. We've held hands. We've hugged. We've been on the same bed. We.. Just how close are we? I hope what you said is true. I hope im the next better guy. I trust you. I don't want to think whatever you've said, you've said to some one else before.
She fell aslp on my arms today. The last time she did, it was years back, when we were cathing a show. You tired girl, making my heart aching. Like always.. I tried taking pictures. Pictures are important to me. I scared one day i don't remember everything. I scared one day when all this happiness is gone.. .. The mrt wouldn't allow me to take a proper photo. It turned out all blur.
My mind was running.. running like a young playful kid. What am i suppose to feel? Sad? happy?.. I don't know. She wore the necklace i bought for her today. She asked me to pick a hair band for her, which i gladly choosen a blue one out of the so many and she wore it. Tied it round her hair and im happy. Whats all this meaning?.. I don't like to play games. Sigh. There, i told myself. I've decided. She's the one. She might not turn out who i know she is but i decided to trust her. I told myself to not get affected by what other people say.. but of coz, being nice has it limits. My $ should not go into pampering her. That i should stop.
I don't know when i will see her again. I don't know whats she doing now, she just called and i ask if she's alone. "nope" was the answer. Short simple rejection.. The next time i see her, I wish i held her hands. Would she allow me too? Attached but not attached. Contradicting right? ha. So messy. Honestly i don't like but i don't think i have much of a choice. When people don't bend, you bend. Isn't it how it works? =D
Anyway im only left with one mth till her very day. Running abit out of time. I need to go farms and borrow small chicks. argh.
WHO HAVE CHICKS AS PETS!! CALL ME. NEED THEM URGENTLY.

Saturday, May 31, 2008