Sunday, July 6, 2008

So tired.. I couldn't stand not going out so i went to swim today. There's really nothing much to do, no snacks etc to munch at home. I clean up the house on saturday so i woke up today, game abit and went back to lying on bed. Listening to songs trying to chill out as much i could, look at the gloomy clouds. Thunder, cloudy skies but its not raining.. Hmm.. Ha. I waited abit and decided to head out. Swam for 20mins non stop laps and i went to sauna. I spent a long 30+mins inside. You shouldn't stand in more then 15mins max but well the first 15 was waiting for the damn heater to start ha. Sweated like hell as per usual. Kinda fulfilling, opening up all your pores, squeezing all the black heads out of the nose, sweating all the oily fats out.

Dear lucas have been eating quite abit lately. He's controlling still but not as much as the last time. Imagine he had MACs for 3 straight nights haha. Fries each of the days. He hasn't been running. All the wishful thinking about running on weekends. Guess he's just too lazy haha :) oh well.. I have to. Coz i'm pretty scared already. I had 2 days of consecutive vomitting feeling. I lost the feeling of hunger and being too full of something. I don't want to end up like zhijun, having to take medicine every meal coz i know i can't. I'll get sick of it. I'm not sure if i feel like vomitting because of the medicine i'm taking or if its because of me not having my meals. The polyclinic doctor give me 2 big packs of medicine. It comes with 2 steps. I couldn't even finish the first one. "Take 2 tablets 4 times a day for two weeks." Well that's step one.. I got sick of the medicine like on the third day. Once the taste of the medicine reaches my tongue i feel like throwing up already. The second step is "Take one 2 times a day" for another two weeks after that of the first step. So if you can do simple math, it totals to one month of the same sickening medication haha. SONG BO? Yeah so you guessed it, i stop taking already. Bloody hell.. waiting for me appointment lo. What to do.. 1st August 9.10am National Skincare Center. Sigh. Acne sucks BIGGEST TIME.

I just really feel like blogging tonight so bear with me alright :) maybe just one more paragraph about my uncle and auntie going for divorce, and what i feel about certain stuff about life. Thanks. Love you readers lots.

Yeah mummy was just discussing with me. Heard complains that one of my uncle and his wife saying about divorcing. Just quite some time back, I don't know if i blogged about it but i ever had this little chat with that auntie of mine. She's one of the auntie that i like, the younger ones, opening up to her seems easier as the age cap isn't too big. In her 30s, i believe it isn't alot. Anyway that night dinner, she and i talked. She was asking if i'm seeing anyone and i say no girlfriend but there's this potential girl that i would like to go on my life with and that kinda shit. Ya, the zhijun period.. Ha ok.. so she asked me what kinda girl i like and i described zhijun to her. Independent. Strong women but yet have a soft side that she only open up to me. Tall. Sexy. Knows how to cook for her man. Tease him like no other yet pisses him off at the same time. A woman in control if she wants to be. Demanding. Self centered but yet still care. A contradicting person. Ever so hard to understand. Well my aunt did say my requirement are hard to meet and she also told me i'm getting myself in trouble. In order for me to be with this kind of girl i have to be more independent than she is. Well she guessed right. She asked me if i have found such girl and i said yes. She than asked me if i know she's the one and i told her you will never be too certain in some thing, base of my own bad experiences. You would never know if something IS that something, i mean HOW SURE ARE YOU?? right?.. I asked that auntie back, "When you picked him, how were you certain that its him?? Or maybe not that your married to him ha.. You regret?" (yeah i know its not right for me to ask like that but you know me, i'm rebellious and i love to reason.)

She thought for awhile and said, "Actually i wasn't pretty certain too but i do know that he cares for me, even though his temper is pretty bad.. I don't regret it." And i told her that nobody is perfect, maybe for him, its his bad temper.

Alright that was the conversation with that auntie. Now, i heard from my mum they quarrel. Some one parked the car some where and walked home in the midst of the arguement. I don't know if its the guy or the girl who walked out of the car in the middle of the road but i do know my aunt brought divorcing up. She don't want to keep the three kids and mummy was trying to get my oppinion. And i told mummy that i felt she wasn't doing the wrong thing. I mean, that aunt, she young, she's still a hot chick to me, she's independent. She earns like 3k and my uncle earns lke 5-6k. She could earn more, there are companies willing to pay more for her work but my uncle don't allow her to change, probably, you know guys, don't want the wife to earn more than himself is. Mummy was like saying you are a married personal, the kids how? After all they came out for your tummy, its your blood and she's tied her erm.. whats that thing call? Well she just can't give birth anymore that kind of stuff. I told mummy, that aunt has better opportunities, with her tiao jian i believe she can find a man better, i'm not saying that my uncle is bad. I love that uncle, just that i heard he isn't paying for the car, he doesn't give my auntie to spend, well my auntie is earning herself so its still ok but i mean not contributing to the house?? Isn't that abit too much... And i heard he always complaining he has no $$ and he doesn't save. Like.. WHERE THE HECK DID YOUR $$ GO MAN?? My uncle is not that kind that will go outside have another mistress so we are thinking he might have bought shares or something like that. I spend on clothes and food, I don't have extras to save up. Fine. He on the other hand doesn't buy new clothes for himself. He's not paying for the car, the kids, i don't know but.. Hmmm we are all just wondering wher his $$ go to. Anyway yeah.. so i convinced my mum that maybe that aunt thinks like me, still think we are young, independent of full of 'liao' (fillings) haha.

Yeah honestly speaking, i'm not hannah. I'm not like my mum. I'm not like those people.. to me, life isn't just about getting married, having kids, watch them grow up and grow old with my wife. I think i gave up on that long ago. I'll be just fine without kids for now. I would have to have one maximum two but not now. I would have to have a fiance but not a wife. Stay together but not arguing about $$ terms everyday. Maybe toilet seat being up and down. Fighting over TV channels. Teasing each other on bed but yeah.. I want my own car. I want to see myself some one up there in 10 years. My own office facing other tall tall buildings. My own secretary. My own condo along bukit timah. That's how i want my life to be. I don't want to live ordinary. I've got sick of it. Maybe things would change.. Maybe i havn't met the one yet. I do hope i met someone strong enough to control me cause i'm that kind of guys. I walk alone. I'm independent. I can do w or w/o you. I live alone.

And i'm sorry people.. i know sometimes i act like a kid. I don't want to grow up. Growing up means facing alot of different problems. Alot of different stress. Alot of decisions to make. Major one that would change your life alot. I'm not as strong as you think. I'm a coward who doesn't like to face it. I don't dare to. I've been very honest about myself in this post. Just thanks all those who have always been around. Friends. Ex-es. Family. You all have made a part of me now, whether its the good or the bad. I will try to learn and i hope you all stay by me and teach me :P

And.. lastly.. zhijun its your birthday today. Yes i never text you. I never call you. Well i don't want to. No particular reason. I'm not pissed with you maybe disappointed. I believe there is misunderstandings but yeah.. just.. never. No presents for you. I didn't intend to give any. If though i have them, I'll give them to some one else. I guess this way is good. I'm fine this way. You popping online and offline, disturbing my peaceful mind, and me here trying to act like nothing is happening. Yes this way is fine.

I'm catching 'Hancock' tomorrow monday, monday movie cheapest hahah!!. Xiao yi (small auntie) went to see that last night and she told me today that its really funny. haha. Yes lucas is looking forward to it. He wants to go out so much.. I'm thinking about buying something for someone.. Its not cheap but not very expensive either.. 80+.. The person like it alot but thinks its too expensive. Should i be nice?? Hmm...

Alright i'm done posting. Thanks for the patience. Good night. Have a great next week people. ^^
Cheers to whatever, whoever.

Sunday, July 06, 2008