Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I haven't been blogging for awhile..
Some updates would be that i'm actually resigning. Its not confirm as to when my last day would be. I just can't survive in the enviroment. To put in good terms, they leave you there to do your stuff but that's just 'on the surface' kind of judgement. Sometimes you feel that many eyes are looking at you, many gossips are going around behind your back but just when you turn back to look at them, they act like nothing is happening.
First they said i was usually late, he said that he's got complains that i didn't hand in my assignment on time. I was so pissed off. I hate being maligned. I told them there wasn't any date line given at all, and usually when there is one, like lets say friday this week, i usually finish on tuesday and submitted already. Than he said that i never ask. Everything is - 'You never ask.'
He gave me over the weekend to decide if i am still interested in the job.
I came back early. I woke up earlier. Rush out. Dress nicely.. All prepare.
Than came, into the room again. 'I can see your not interested in the work. You've been surfing the net.' (hello, i've finish my work! And like wtf so is everybody else doing it, not just me??)
You said i was late, i came early.
Now you still say i'm not interested. Honestly speaking, I'M NOT. You tell me today i come early, 2-3 years you worry if i'll still come early or not etc. And i can tell you, i'm earlier than alot of people already and fuck you. 2-3 years down you dare say, 2-3 i'm still stuck with the drawings, i might as well leave now. I just kept quiet. I have to.. My mum isn't working. I tried to take it that -work is after all work, it will get boring but we all need the money so bear with it. I TRIED LIVING WITH THAT THEORY. I shut up and went work. I don't complain already and look who's complaining now. I mean i've always thought women are bitchs to give this kind of attitude, i didn't know that even working gives you one. If you want some thing say.. Over here at this company, they tell you 'come on, lets be frank about it, talk like a man.' I asked them what the difference between being a confirmed staff and not being one, cause he said he couldn't confirm me, and he said, 'The only difference is being confirm you need one month notice to leave the company, being not confirm, 1 week you can go already.' Nothing said about year end bonus. Nothing said about company benefits. As if that was only that. They said it like so point bankly. Doesn't really answers your question.

I'm going to dreamworks advertising pte ltd to interview tomorrow. If you want to see me in tie, blazer etc you can come meet me. They wanted me to go in professional wear, no choice. Interviewing as a sales & marketing executive. Its a good company. Very well known and i hope i can get in. Get involve in some events, do something exciting for a change, go meet new people. Make new friends. Get some connections. BUT so far i heard this company isn't as good as it seems to be. Well since i already taken leave, might as well.

Yeah well thats all for work i guess.


Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I'm so pissed yet so sad at the same time. We haven't been talking and i don't know why. Probably its me.. Partly cause she's busy with school. I don't know... Its been 3 weeks 2 days. She doesn't seem to care and it hurts me. I feel so stupid.. I'm neglected. All the 'lucas what are you doing? where are you? Want meet me later anot.' Gone. No more. Now, its 'i'm busy.'. 'My phone is spoilt.', 'No, cannot call me, later the phone auto shut down.'. 'House phone spoil cannot call out.', 'You working, you suppose to call me what.'. Stop.. .. its painful man. Maybe its PMS. I don't know.. I don't have PMS. You tell me whats wrong. Maybe cause i emo lately. 5 mins happy, 5 mins fucking sad. Hannah said i've fallen for her. I don't want to but i guess i am. Or maybe its the I-Miss-You-So-Fucking-Much syndrome. I miss the 'lucas do you need a hug?',

yes i miss it. I'd drop my wallet like 2-3 more times for it (considering that my cards are still intact and i get my wallet back). I miss the 'Do you think i'm kissable?'. I miss the 'I am cute and chubby what! Cannot meh?.'.. .. .. I'm so stressed out. I want to smile again. I want to really laugh without feeling so bad that i'm actually laughing and that i tearing alway. I'm so scared i'm not having a job soon. I'm so worried about school. I don't know if i want to start now or start 6 months later. Financial doesn't allow me to do so and i can't loan from bank since i'm resigning. I feel so jealous when everbody else is smiling and laughing away while i'm not. I some times wish they all die. Evil yes but i wish their live is 10x worse den me, 100x worse then people in poorer coutries so they can actually sense the sadness, drown the whole world with tears.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008